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Monday, October 7, 2013

             Still looking at the big "Why"

A few days ago I was talking about why I overeat, why I let myself get so big, why food has this hold on me.  I have been thinking a lot about it.  I can't really blame it on genetics.  My parents weren't fat, my brothers are all normal weight.  We don't really know much of anything about my father's side of the family.  He was an abused child and he ran away from his home in Pennsylvania when he was just 12 years old and never went back and as far as I know never had any kind of contact with his father again.  His mom had died giving birth to him.  My father was an alcoholic since the day I was born. His drinking made for instability, fear, and sorrow. As changeable as he could be and as much as he was hurting us all by drinking himself into oblivion, I loved him so very much. When I was thirteen years old, he died of alcohol related problems, cirrhosis of the liver and other complications.  He was only 47 years old! I tell you all of this because I think it is why I used food as love for most of my life. I loved food and food loved me. Amid all the chaos and insecurity, I could control the food I ate. When I felt nervous, food was reassuring. When I was anxious food was soothing. When I was sad, food lifted me up. When no one was home, food was my babysitter. For every emotion I could turn to food.  I am just realizing this and remembering some things surrounding food when I was a kid.  I didn't have a weight problem til maybe 10 or so years after my dad died but the food issues started then.  I will continue to explore this.

Short one today, folks :)


  1. I believe my personal weight gain was due to multiple factors. I didn't have a clue what a real serving size was or how many calories were in food. I had several jobs and all of them required me to sit at a computer almost constantly. And I wasn't that active when I wasn't working.

    I love that you are blogging to show that people your age are making this lifestyle change as well. My MIL is 63 and had WLS a year ago. She is down almost 80 pounds and claims that I saved her life by telling her about it. I had WLS two years ago, and I am also down about 80 pounds. My MIL would never blog about her experience because she doesn't even own a computer, but she is out there and doing what you are doing, and I just wanted to make sure you knew you aren't alone and that it is never too late to change your life and get more active (as you know).

  2. Thank you, Linda! Isn't it interesting for all of us that we can live in this world and not have a clue about things like serving sizes? I am right with you on that one, I have been the same way all my life.

    Tell you MIL, "way to go!" I am glad to hear that others my age have had this surgery, even if it only gives us a few more years with our kids, grandkids, etc. than we would've had, it is worth it!